Round 2 of WSFLCN saw us take on the old enemy Cowfold. We’ve got history. A league title, a broken leg, a cup final and way too many notches in the ‘L’ column in recent years made it easy for Ian to get us up for this one and a truly vicious pre match rally cry from Captain Baker got the juices flowing. The normally softly spoken, peaceful man unleashed a barrage of profanities, explaining that he wasn’t too fond of Cowfold, their co-op, their scout hut, but mainly their football team.

Twitter rumours were circling that Cowfold may have some 1st team players available and they bought a big squad with them, if not in quantity, definitely in volume. What do they feed them down there? I’ve seen smaller rugby teams. If Cowfold Res were a group of young ladies you would describe them as ‘having bubbly personalities’. (Rudgwick FC does not condone body shaming, come on, they’ve got enough on their plate.)

Rondo, warm-up, action.

Cowfold are always a tough team to play, instructions from Ian were to soak up pressure, fire back on the counter and to try and keep individual errors, that have cost us previously, to a minimum. We carried out these tactics perfectly the back line marshalling and frustrating any advances and the attackers breaking with pace. We took the lead when Archer, who was tormenting his opposite number all the way through the first half slid a perfectly weighted pass through to Kizza who slammed in a trademark finish. We went 2-0 up shortly before HT when M Bilch stooped to head in a great diagonal ball from summer signing Ross ‘chief’ Wigham. We continued to frustrate them in to the second half with Luke having to make 2 or 3 good saves from shots from distance but generally we managed the game very well.
The 2 major highlights of the game came in the 2nd half firstly Luke being annihilated by Cowfold’s biggest loosehead prop in a commendable act of bravery/stupidity. He wore it very well. Secondly was the most incredible throw-in fail ever seen, the opposition CB getting tangled in the pitch side rope and taking an ungainly tumble of epic proportions. He did not wear it so well.

Inspired by my PL 98 Panini sticker book:
GK - Luke ‘Bosnich’ Burrows 9/10 - Very convincing performance and deserved clean sheet. His dad was worried when he got squashed.

RB - Simon ‘P Neville’ Lockwood 8/10 - Lovely distribution from the back short and long. A train track and a motorway walk in to a bar. The train track says “a pint for me please, and one for the road.”

CB - Dan ‘Leboeuf’ Baker 8/10 - Standard Baker performance we expect. Horrible potty mouth.

CB - Nick ‘Ehiogu’ Watt 8/10 - Talks a good game, and plays one as well. Turn down for Watt.

LB - Andrew ‘Pearce’ Whitworth 5/10 - WOTW As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti, I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become.

CDM - Ross ‘Lampard’ Higham 8/10 - Great addition to the team, nice assist, nice car.

CM - Sanjay ‘Ince’ Sosna 9/10 - MOTM Almost a year to the day from breaking his leg in the same fixture, rode some heavy tackles and didn’t flinch. Pirlo.

CAM - Kizz ‘Ginola’ Greig 8/10 - Almost scored an outrageous bicey. Oh so sexy on the ball. Married to Tamzin.

LW - Steve ‘MacManaman’ Blick 8/10 - Another great game, constant threat. Probably sad that singlet season is coming to an end.

RW - Josh ‘Asprilla’ Archer 8/10 - Dominated. Second best J Archer of the summer.

ST - Mark ‘Barmby’ Blick 8/10 - Leading what must be one of the most dangerous front quartets in the WSFL. Anagram of his name is Black krim.

LB - Brad ‘Babayaro’ Barnett 8/10 - Came on and dealt with their only pace man. I was once humiliated by his aunt on a squash court.

CDM - Joe ‘Vieira’ Berwick 8/10 - Dealt with the aerial threat. Berwicks of Horsham are an official supplier of Karndean flooring. Visit them at Springfield road.

UTILITY - Adam ‘Izzet’ Kemp - Bragged about getting birthday sex. Didn’t get it. Women are not to be trusted.

Bloody good effort lads. Play like that 16 more times and the title is ours! Who fancies a cup run? Bring on Petworth.